Why Me ?

Sitting against the wall,
Pressing hands to ears,
Blasting music,
Rocking back and forth,

Asking,
Why me,
Why me,
Why me?

Why can't I be with the one I love?
Why can I never be happy?
Why do I go through so much stress?
I just want to die at times.

I have good friends,
A few good choices,
They help me,
And I help them.

So why do I choose to ask these questions?
Why am I so unsure?
Am I not believing in my friends?
Or is it the depression?

One Day You'll Also Love Me

One Day You'll Also Love Me

Why do you hurt me?
Do you like seeing me cry?
How can you just walk away?
When you know I'm dying inside!

How can you drag me,
Through this heartache and all this pain?
You know everything about her,
But do you even know my name?

Do you know how much I love you?
Do you even really care?
How can you let me love you?
Why are you so unfair?

Why won't you let me move on?
Let me be happy once again?
You want me in your life I know,
But I want to be more than just your friend!

Baby, just let me go!
I don't even me a thing.
But I don't want you to let me go!
I love you... Can't you see?

One of my friend om recently bought a laptop. As soon he started exploring it , he got a sms.

The sms read : ‘Le aaye meri saut‘SR.

ye sms ths hamari hone wali bhabhiji ka ..

His face was worth watchin!!! and we had our share of beastly laugh…

nothin to do with the title of this post. Just sharin an original , real life ‘joke’

The materialistic information of this post spans CUSAT KOCHI par hai ye harek dil ki kahani except that of ‘ SHAMMI’.

Now u must b thinkin ki SHAMMI kaun hai?

SHAMMI

Full Name - SHAMMIPRIYADRSHI

SHAMMI was ready at ICH with our frnd om's bike to take me to his flat . It was 8:30 PM. He was driving . I was sitting behind. shammi’s cell started ringing. He handed it to me and told me to reply accordingly. The sms read ” Hi da, where r u? Can u give me the notes today only? By da, tc “. I replied ” Will get u in sometime”. Till we reached his flat , there were 12 more sms from distinct senders . Its not that easy to reply a msg on a cell even when u r not drivin. So I ignored rest of them.

At his flat, there were two other guys . One was vikram (Supportin actor).

As the flow of discussions started , it automatically drifted towards our relationship status. All good boys out there nodded ” I am single. I am single. Kaun time waste kare in cheezon mein “.

The flat seemed familiar to me.

I have a Motorola Airtel lifetime prepaid phone.

They also had three different phones with Spice, RIM and Tata Indicom connections.

vikram got a call from aurangabaad. He got busy with his Tata one. The conversation was audible from one side and we insisted that he switches on the loud speaker which he continuously declined. Myself and om relished our college memory wid sutta. vikram’s conversation continued for an hour. My headache had its origin there only because he was talking ( flirting ) at few deciblels higher than normal .

After his stint got over , he brought his laptop. The laptop was bought 8 days earlier only and was all screwed with virus now. Anyhow , they started showing me their trip’s photographs. Their department trip to some hill station in kerela only.

The albums started . The first folder got over. Second one started. It was good.

But the session got a bit longer. Because there were around 7-8 folders . Each folder contained almost the same pics but with different cameras. Like shammi’s cam was one, vikram’s cam was one, om’s cam was one, and so on and on and on. The headache got a decent start. The pics clearly showed that there was groupism in their departmemnt.

1st group - shammi and girls.

2nd group - Rest of the boys.

Then vikram told that shammi got a healthy GPL in the middle of trip for obvious reasons.

Suddenly, shammi’s cell rang again.

He hadn’t given her notes yet.

It was 12 midnight. He vroomed on his bike to handover the notes.

Then there were endless tales of How shammi her’1′, how did he reject her’2′ and how her’n'…

The headache at it best.

Meanwhile vikram was at the rooftop with his RIM ( for 2 hrs ).

He descended back.

We had our dinner.

Then the facts came flyin around.

shammi gets 150 sms a day.

One got her hair styled in the way as shammi liked spendin just 10 thousand bucks.

I desperately needed a Disprin but it wasn’t available.

A live sms read ‘I m honoured to b ur friend’.

vikram still had earphones wrapped around but was sittin with us.

He asked “aur kya khaya aj”.

I told “saath mein hi to khaya hai”

He told “Phir se nonveg khaya”

Main bola ” pagal hai kya, saath mein hi to share kiya tha fried rice”

shammi got the situation.

vikram was talkin to her’x’ lookin at me.

I had the last laugh.

shammi told ki once he started talkin at 12 midnight and descended down at 6 AM.

I was not sure ki his was the highest.

All the time I kept my Motorola Airtel Lifetime Prepaid tightly clutched in my fists so that I dont miss a single call. Kisi bande ka bhi call aa jaata to main roof pe jaake 15 min proxy maar deta but….

neways yesterday only i came to know ‘da’ is shortform for ‘darling’.

When I was replyin to the first sms, I thought ki she was calling her bhaiya and so ‘da’ as in Bengali’

But then I knew a different shammi which had 3 things common to me.

He still has them but….

rajesh as a social animal

computers are like AC,
they stop working when u open windows!!


I am a very ordinary guy with ultra ordinary desires. As far as my Academic Status goes, right now, i am pursuing B.Tech in Information Technology(3rd Sem). these are just my struggling days..., . Just fighting with my self. I do understand THE LANGUAGE OF WORLD( The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho).
I am a great fan of Movies, Internet and Hindi & English Literature.
I am a Linux Enthusiast
I'm Mad, Crazy & Passionate about COMPUTERS, especially LINUX & other OpenSource products & technologies.
As far as rajesh as a Social Animal is concerned, I am some what Shy but Straight Forward Person. Some people also call me Introvert. I just belive in Humanity: Just help some one, if you can.
I'm Simple, OpenMinded & Friendly Ambivert. I'm Humorous, Naughty & Funloving person with a Helpful nature & some Caring attitude. Sometimes I'm Mysterious & Unpredictable. I'm a very Technology Savvy person.
I do feel that
Life should be as simple as a simple poetry.
There must be transparency in relationships.
You must not always think about yourself, u must be selfless sometimes.
A Bitter Truth: I don't have any reasons to smile::

I am a very down to earth person and always pray god that I may maintain it.RAJESH

MY INTRO

कोचीन विज्ञान एवं प्रौद्योगिकी संस्थान, कोची
(भारतीय अभ्यान्त्रिकी विज्ञान एवं प्रद्योगिकी संस्थान ,कोचीन)
@@@@@%@@@@@
जिन्होने उड़ाई है,मेरी रातों की नींद,

वही पूछते हैं .तू जागता क्यूं है......

और

जब गिनकर ही मिली हैं सांसें सबको,

फ़िर हर आदमी मौत से भागता क्यूं है

__________________________
क्या लिखूं और किसके बारे में लिखूं
कभी सोचा नहीं था अपना ढोल अपने ही हाथों से पीटना पड़ेगा अर्थात् अपना परिचय स्वयं ही दूसरों को देना पड़ेगा..

मिट्टी का तन,मस्ती का मन
क्षण भर जीवन, मेरा परिचय...

पर मैं वो बात किसी को कैसे बताऊं,जो मैं खुद नहीं जानता
हाँ चाहे कितनी भी बातें लिख लूं,पर सच यही है कि मैं नहीं जानता 'मैं कौन हूँ'
कई बार सोचा,सवालों-जवाबों का सिलसिला बंधा-टूटा,कई जवाब मिले,कई नये सवाल उठे,पर ये सवाल वहीं का वहीं है
मेरे मित्र जवाब देते हैं,तुम राजेश राय हो पर, ये तो मेरा नाम है
लोग कहते हैं,तुम मनुष्य हो पर,ये तो मेरी ज़ाति है
कुछ ने कहा, तुम छात्र हो पर, ये तो मेरा व्यवसाय है
ये मेरा नाम,मेरी ज़ाति,मेरा व्यवसाय मुझसे ही तो आस्तित्व में हैं,फ़िर ये मेरा परिचय कैसे हो सकते हैं,
जिससे मेरा आस्तित्व हो,वही मेरा परिचय हो सकता है.....


तो फ़िर, मैं कौन हूँ और अगर मैं राजेश राय नहीं हूँ तो राजेश राय कौन है......
मैं भूल रहा हूँ कि मेरा एक शरीर भी है,शायद उसी का नाम राजेश राय है,शायद वही मनुष्य भी है,क्योकि उसी के दो हाथ,दो पैर,हॄदय और मष्तिष्क भी हैं.......
आईना जब गिरकर चूर हो जाता है,अपना स्वरूप खो देता है,तो फ़िर उसका नाम आईना नहीं रहता,उसे बस काँच का टुकड़ा कहा जा सकता है.आईना अपने स्वरूप के साथ नाम भी खो देता है....
तो फिर ये शरीर,जिसका नाम राजेश राय है,ये भी तो एक दिन अपना स्वरूप खो देगा,उस दिन इसका नाम क्या होगा...........शायद राजेश राय ही...,
हे प्रभु! ये कैसा विरोधाभाष है? स्वरूप खोने के बाद भी ये शरीर अपना नाम नहीं खो रहा है....
कहीं ऐसा तो नहीं, राजेश राय नाम इस शरीर का नहीं है.......
तो फ़िर किसका है......

कुछ भी समझना मुश्किल है,कल भी मुश्किल था,आज भी.....
सवाल अभी भी वहीं खड़ा हैं,हँस रहा है मेरी बेबसी पर,अपने अविजित होने पर...
हाँ,इसके अलावा मुझे थोड़ा बहुत पता है अपने बारे में.......
मेरी दर्शन-शास्त्र और सहित्य में गहरी रुचि है.यही मेरे जीवन का आधार है,जीने का जज़्बा है,लक्ष्य है..
अभी बहुत सफ़र तय करना है,कई मंज़िलों ,बाधाओं को पार करना है और अन्तिम लक्ष्य तक पहुँचना है.......
मेरा अन्तिम लक्ष्य उस सत्य को अनावॄत करना है,जो अब तक सब की आँखों से ओझल है....
क्योकि सत्य का अर्थ है,सतत् अर्थात सदा बना रहने वाला....मालूम नहीं ऐसा सत्य कहाँ मिलेगा...शायद भगवान के पास........

और अन्त में,गाइड फ़िल्म के ये शब्द मेरी ज़िन्दगी के शब्द बन गये हैं,
सवाल अब ये नहीं कि पानी बरसेगा या नहीं,सवाल ये नहीं कि मैं जिऊँगा या मरूंगा.सवाल ये है कि इस दुनिया को बनाने वाला,चलाने वाला कोई है या नहीं.अगर नहीं है तो परवाह नहीं ज़िन्दगी रहे या मौत आये.एक अंधी दुनिया में अन्धे की तरह जीने में कोई मज़ा नहीं. और अगर है तो देखना ये है कि वो अपने मज़बूर बन्दों की सुनता है या नहीं.